Well, we knew we were meant to do Halloween as the previous posts suggest, but due to a rodent/boredom/alcohol problem we decided to bring you "Disturbia" which was............awful.
Even a lead character with a name like "Shia LeBouf" must be enough to throw you off from the get go. Known for such 'great' films as 'I'Retard and Transmongos, shia decided to break the typecast with a role he never played before....a misunderstood boy who's a good man at heart.....oh wait, thats all he plays.
An unashamed tribute to Hitchcocks "Rear Window" this film has all its predecessors had.....minus the talent. From the very first 10 minutes, myself and Keane pretty much had this film sussed. From the wonky storyline to the almost unbearable comedy elements, this film is as predictable as a terminal illness.
From the opening sequence of a father/son fishing trip, already you know the foreshadowing gloom that is about to fall on these......well.......retards. The son - a run of the mill, all american boy at school has had his life ripped apart by his fathers (predictable) death. - which he blames himself for...surprise surprise. So its no doubt he is rebelling against every authoritarian figure, (which ironically lands him in this predicament).
A wonky court case and a comic relief black probabtion officer later, he is condemned to house arrest (after lamping his teacher, for all you Linkin Park fans out there).
So, naturally after having his X-Box/TV and iTunes revoked (all unashamed plugs) he decided to spy on his neighbours, who are 'luckily' a seriously attractive bird, and a serial killer. However, more he sees is more than meets the eye (oh god, I feel dirty)
Predictably him and his wacky sidekick (who is under house arrest out of CHOICE) decide to spy first, on his hot neighbour. Here's an example of the unashamed hot bird, a scorching day and her first venture into the new back garden....
How could you NOT become an amateur voyeur. However, it all turns sinister with the arrival of the "Texas Killer" who our hero Shia believes is living next door to him...an lo and behold, he's RIGHT.After learning of our heroes sick survelliance of this girl, she decided out the blue that she ALSO enjoys spying on people (as luck would have it) and joins our little troup of perverts. So as the story begins to unfold, our trio starts to believe they are living next door to this psycho killer who has somehow managed to avoid the USA police, but NOT a chinese guy, a cripple and a dumb blonde of the more stereotypical atrocities.
So after a string of laughable survelliance, boring shots of far away windows, predictable make-the-girlfriend-shriek moments, disastrous dialogue (the killer giving his 'facts of life' speech being a total fucking gem) and the fact myself and keane knew the next step of the movie, probably before the director did, our heroes decide to take it upon themselves to SAVE THE DAY.
Disturbia, is a fucking bore-fest that is much more laughable than shocking. From the characters 'hilarious' predicaments to the more than foreseeable shock factors, Distubia ironically, is a film that doesnt want to disturb you. Its a no account bastard child to 'Rear Window' and 'Silence of the Lambs' which would have the most adamant movie goer ripping his own hair out. This film made us laugh at all the wrong moments and made us cringe at all the suspenseful moments. From the opening credits we were already gasping for a cigarette, refilling already full glasses of wine and already trying to guess how the film would end (which we guessed accurately).
In conclusion:
"That's either the creepiest... or the sweetest thing I have ever heard"
THIS MOVIE IS SHITE!!!!!!!!!
