By the way, just to get the ball rolling, thats an ACTUAL quote from this 'film'. Where to start, sadly we actually had to shell out £6.7-fucking-5 for 2 and a half hours of anger management. Right now, to say sorry for not updating we are gonna do 3 movies, but this one was sooooo diabolical, we need to take our time with it.
To start with, this is a Stephen King book-to-film movie, so naturally we were apprehensive as all of the stephen king book to films have been utter shite. The Mist.....is no exception.
The torture begins with some second grade artist painting some shitty comic book picture, only to have his creativity curtailed by a tree flying through his window. Seriously. So unfolds the unevitability of confronting his neighbour (who he doesnt get on with, ironically over this tree) and his son about heading into town for help. All the while leaving his wife behind (never to be seen again but shhhhhhh dont tell anyone) whilst a foreboding MIST decends on the hapless town. At this point we were already considering leaving the cinema as the acting wouldn't be out of place on fucking Night Trap! (YOU GOTTA BE JIVING ME!!!!)
Que our unlikely pioneers locating the nearest safe house which is a supermarket where a vast array of characters reside, ranging from the by-the-book marines to the chubby non-disputable virgin check out operator, not to mention a brief detour round the inbred redneck mechanics of the town. One thing we noticed upon our 'heroes' arrival, is in times of crisis, there is NEVER enough tinned peas to survive an impending holocaust. We even get a glimpse into the local Bible Basher, who even from the appearance of a mild fog, still managed to lose the plot slightly. As the main character looks round the supermarket at the panic buying happening in front of him,he catches a glimpse of a blonde woman,who he instantly falls in love with, as the two of them give each other a doomed look, we the audience already know they will be in it till the end(with some shite acting and blood).
And now the shit hits the screen.The Mist decends on the supermarket,leaving the people inside slightly unnerved as to the nature of this fog, and to help matters along a man runs out the Mist covered in blood screaming "THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIST,LOCK THE DOOR".The main character decides to head into the stock room at the back, but he hears a noise and something pressing against the back shutter,but of course he is the only person that hears it and no one believes him. Naturally, some skeptics (2 rednecks, a comedy sidekick geek and a ginger sacrifice) follow suite to carry out some half assed task involving a generator which obviously serves as a means to kill off a barely recognisable actor and induce some 'fear' into the audience. They open the shutter door....and this happens;
Even after the death of this ginger prick, factions have already started to splinter ranging from the obviously doomed hero bunch, to the fire-and-brimstone damnation cult, all taking place between aisles 4-6. What follows is some CGI special effects (at one point Keane and I thought we were watching a Playstation game) BUCKETS of fake blood and some pointless attempt to explain this film by some idiotic vague reference to the occult.
To sum up, The Mist is a classic example of thinking its audiences are all spastics. Throw in some brutality, insanity (close ups of a guy screaming for like.....4 days) and some shocking religious speeches and you have a supernatural train wreck of a film. Myself and Keane found it patronizing to say the least. This film offered lots of CGI effects and almost unbeatable odds and monsters and yet not one possible glimpse of an explanation to the warped and ridiculous point to this film. Its a movie with no sense of direction, and whenever it seems to realise this, decides to simply throw more ludicrous and gory means to kill off more of its main actors (one actor actually gives birth to a spider....how fucking desperate must you be to keep your audience in its seat).
This movie was basically a priest having a mid-life crisis. It was clutching at straws between science and belief- with some massive monsters the size of office blocks thrown in- for dramatic effect. Keane and I couldn't get involved in this film at all, and every time we tried, something more ridiculous would happen leading to the most over-used phrase being shouted out in the cinema "OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!"
The scariest part of this film- by a mile- is the fact most people seem to like it. We are still at a loss as to how this movie made it past the production office and will happily beat up anyone seen carrying a DVD of it around. If you are going to watch this film, make sure someone else is paying for it, and you have LOADS of alcohol, cause you are going to need it.
PS. Rotten Tomatoes?!?! 71%!?!?! are you all fucking stupid?!?!??!
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